a good response to the question “how old are you?” is something along the lines of “dunno i stopped counting after the first few centuries”
and it needs to be said seriously without smiling or humor or as casually as possible and followed by “so anyway” and a subject change as if it’s completely normal
"I stopped counting a few decades ago. no. what’s the one with the zeros? millennia that’s it. human time keeping is so confusing."
Wanna be nosy. . . here's your chance.
- 0: Height
- 1: Virgin?
- 2: Shoe size
- 3: Do you smoke?
- 4: Do you drink?
- 5: Do you take drugs?
- 6: Age you get mistaken for
- 7: Have tattoos?
- 8: Want any tattoos?
- 9: Got any piercings?
- 10: Want any piercings?
- 11: Best friend?
- 12: Relationship status
- 13: Biggest turn ons
- 14: Biggest turn offs
- 15: Favorite movie
- 16: I’ll love you if
- 17: Someone you miss
- 18: Most traumatic experience
- 19: A fact about your personality
- 20: What I hate most about myself
- 21: What I love most about myself
- 22: What I want to be when I get older
- 23: My relationship with my sibling(s)
- 24: My relationship with my parent(s)
- 25: My idea of a perfect date
- 26: My biggest pet peeves
- 27: A description of the girl/boy I like
- 28: A description of the person I dislike the most
- 29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend
- 30: What I hate the most about work/school
- 31: What your last text message says
- 32: What words upset me the most
- 33: What words make me feel the best about myself
- 34: What I find attractive in women
- 35: What I find attractive in men
- 36: Where I would like to live
- 37: One of my insecurities
- 38: My childhood career choice
- 39: My favorite ice cream flavor
- 40: Who wish I could be
- 41: Where I want to be right now
- 42: The last thing I ate
- 43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately
- 44: A random fact about anything
tell a grown ass man “no” n watch him revert to age 5 behavior
This week on Tumblr:
It’s a metaphor. You’re a metaphor. I’m a metaphor. Your keybord is a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. The universe is turning into one giant metaphor on a molecular scale. Run. It’s too late.
yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
i have unlimited texting and i only text 3 people ever i think my phone company looks at my bill and just laughs
^ These two dorks